The other day both children asked if I'd come talk about cancer with them. They had questions. They were snuggled under the warm comforter on our queen bed, so I joined them. Many questions followed about why I had cancer, where it came from, why I lost my hair, what does cancer do--soon my youngest is off to find his own blankie returning to share its comfort. We snuggled in deeper and talked some more. Reassurrances and truth. The book I had just read recommended even when talking about the future and possibilities to keep focusing on living now. When the discussion turned to possible complications my youngest was "outta here" and off to another six year old adventure with blankie in tow. My daughter furthered the discussion with her anger and anxieties about my leaving her for treatments and her anger at the doctor for these trips.
I encouraged her to think about all the things I can still do with them and that the doctor is doing everything he can to keep me healthy. I reassured her she need not fret about being separated again if I should need to be admitted in the future. We have plan B to put into effect.
Then today she asked if I'd come snuggle under the blanket again with her baby. She had more cancer questions. When I arrived she and baby were under the comforter with soft pillows. She assured me her baby would help her. So flat on our tummies under the comforter, searching for cartoon characters in a Waldo maze, we talked about what exactly cancer does to my body and that I may die. We talked about those whacko cancer cells that don't obey the rules and how their wild growing can cause problems and what can happen because of those problems. It was safe for her to ask these questions while we looked for Bubbles, Blossom, Buttercup and Professor Utonium. A little disjointed for me, but it worked for her. We are planning on taking my daughter with for the next doctor trip so she meets my wonderful doc and so cool nurse. Of course, we'll follow up with some retail therapy on the way home.
