By God's Grace

Last year this time I was crying at the drop of a pin or the sight of a friend. I cried when I held my children and whenever I thought of future beyond the moment. Last year a doc had told me I was to receive only palliative care and nothing would give me more time.

This year after a year's continued treatment I have received the grace from God of another 12 months and can look forward to more. I've accomplished a Christmas of memories for the children including atleast stamping my Christmas cards before my typical June mailing. They may actually go out this month, so no Christmas in July for friends and family from me this year.

Looking forward, yet not knowing the length of my days, I want to use the time I have wisely and productively. There are things I wish to do with the children and projects I wish to finish. I've a list to check off and keep me focused on essentials but before all, I give praise to a mighty God who saw fit to provide me with a great doc and excellent care.

Taking a Deep Breath Here

It has been a hard week in the ovca worldview. One friend from my forum board has suffered this beast for six years, has lived bravely through hospice for the past seven months and once Thanksgiving arrived began to hope to see Christmas as well for one more year. Recently her health has deteriorated quickly and this week she has been taken by ambulance with unmanageable pain. She had maxed out the pain meds that could be given to her at the facility where she was housed.

Another woman also on this forum, who was diagnosed in 2004, has been told there is nothing more they can do but provide palliative care. Her tumors have invaded her entire abdomen and associated organs.

Over this year the ovca population has lost several great women whom I have come to know and love for their encouragement, strength and wisdom.

In comparison, my previous oncologist had prescribed palliative care only for me last December. By God's grace I am now under the care of a proactive oncologist who has an open mind and a bold approach. I have lived strong with a reasonably good quality of life this past year. Think of what has been accomplished besides caring for my home and family. We moved into a home that required a huge amount of work for months.  The packing and unpacking and settling in has gone on indefinitely but is being accomplished along with activities, school and life in general. I can really not complain. I have gained a full year, but the above developments of this past year presses the eventuality of this diagnosis upon my heart and mind. The truth truly is that only God knows our days. Each day becomes a gift of opportunity.

Nerves

Great news, my counts are still low, a 3 this time. We have begun a maintenance program of three weeks on (one time per week) and one week off with carboplatin. I am anxious that this less toxic treatment will keep those numbers down. This entire journey has been an experience of trusting in God because everything truly is out of my control. My doc attempts to use the newest potential treatments to keep me healthy and strong and hold that cancer beast at bay. I am suffereing from more nausea that expected, but hopefully that will pass soon.  The drugs I recently used are very new in use together for ovca treatments and I have been the beneficiary. He is extremely knowledgeable and I trust I will receive the best of care while at Hershey.

Christmas is fast approaching. I can't believe it has snuck up on me this year. We still have decorating to do in the midst of continual unpacking. The children have enjoyed a week of tobogganing on limited snow and winter weather and temps have fallen upon us. I mind the cold terribly as it aggrivates my neuropathy from the chemo. My fingers suffer considerable pain and numbness when cold. The other side of surgery has been this is the first winter I am sleeping without socks on my feet. Keeping my feet cool seems to help reduce the nightime hot flashes. Other than these details I am two years into treatment of cancer and moving well into my third after diagnosis. Statistics give ovca patients five years post diagnosis. We are waiting and hoping on God's provision of a new treatment that will master this beast and set me back on my feet.