Those Numbers Again

This is the second week my chemo has been cancelled because my counts are not recovering from when I had the flu. I have had so much chemo in the past two years that the bone marrow isn't rebuilding fast enough. I am feeling good at this point, but know that a continued absence of chemo therapy will allow that ever critical CA125 to rise again which will mean much more toxic chemo to shrink the tumors once again. It is now a catch 22 it seems. If my blood counts recover in this next week, I'll still have a chance of getting back on schedule, otherwise we'll be looking for other options.

Community

One thing I realized while in the hospital last month is the need for community and fellowship for my children. When I am absent, the flow of reassuring love enveloping them in a community of faith is so much appreciated. I encourage all our friends to not feel shy about visiting or being a part of our daily life. The safer the children feel in others' companionship the more likely they will receive comfort and assurance when the times are scary. We all need hugs both to give and receive.

Retail Therapy

After a month of illness in our household, my doc says my lungs are recovering well. I had been hospitalized for three days the last week of February due to pneumonia and flu. It was a scare for everyone as my white blood counts fell to 1.2 and platelets fell as well. They had not recovered quick enough to have my scheduled chemo this week. The CA125, though, held steady. So we plan on next week for chemo.

Meanwhile, I took daughter along this time to meet my doc and visit the infusion clinic. He's a cool guy and the nurses are great. Having a picture in her mind of place and people involved may help her deal with my regular trips to Hershey which generally cause her considerable emotional angst. Afterwards we went shopping for spring clothes and treated to a nice meal in a restaurant. She enjoyed girls day out.

So another week of recuperation when I hope to catch up on the house and get some other tasks accomplished. Thanks so much for everyone's love and prayers last week. Our family so appreciates everyone's support and concern for each one of us. My first full day in the hospital was like party day with the constant flow of traffic from many friends. Love you all.

Reassuring News

Two weeks ago my CA125 stumbled upward. We continued with the treatments and waited for a second bloodtest. I have just received word that it has fallen again to a lower range, yet higher than the consistent 3 it had been. It is still well within normal and a range is often common as it fluctuates abit. I was nervous this meant another upward trend and again more toxic treatments but now can rest with the current maintenance program for a while longer. The CA125 is not the only test to look at, but for me is a pretty marked sign for recurrence. The nerve rending anxiety of watching it can be emotional but keeping busy helps. The normal routine day to day stuff keeps life like it used to be and the thoughts of cancer at bay.

One project I've been working on is a family picture album of old pics from the early 1900s. It is interesting to relate to grandparents and great grandparents as young adults and watching them change as they've matured. It puts my own short history into perspective. It is interesting to place their lives into the context of world events and developmental accomplishments. My grandparents went from horse and buggy to cars, to airplanes, to space rockets to a man on the moon. Can you imagine? I've seen the man on the moon, space shuttles to established stations, the internet flow of knowledge and much more yet to come. Though more and more people and events, our world is shrinking to allow contact with people miles and miles away. I have prayer support in Australia, England, Africa, and most every state of the union. Can one have even imagined that size of community at the turn of the century?

A small insignificant number as the CA125 can change my whole perspective but in the history of ovca I am living at a remarkable time. Just 10 short years ago my diagnosis in 2005 would have been a six month sentence. Modern medicine grants me treatment to hold the symptoms at bay and give me a remarkable ability to continue life as somewhat normal. The research for ovca is ready to burst the doors open to potentially not only lengthening life but finding a cure. Please pass the word forward to not only be aware of the seemingly inocuous symptoms that bely ovca but also to further research and not let other gynie cancers be lost in the dust of progress left by progressive treatments in other areas.

Special moments

My daughter has a little girlfriend over to play today. For lunch they made tuna salad,
fresh fruit and I gave them the depression ware and good glassware. Daughter set
the table with pretty placemats and matching napkins. Everyone else ate earlier, so
they are enjoying a quiet luncheon together. I hear their secret whispers and think of
Anne of Green Gables, perhaps I should hide my strawberry wine......

Blankie Times

The other day both children asked if I'd come talk about cancer with them. They had questions. They were snuggled under the warm comforter on our queen bed, so I joined them. Many questions followed about why I had cancer, where it came from, why I lost my hair, what does cancer do--soon my youngest is off to find his own blankie returning to share its comfort. We snuggled in deeper and talked some more. Reassurrances and truth. The book I had just read recommended even when talking about the future and possibilities to keep focusing on living now. When the discussion turned to possible complications my youngest was "outta here" and off to another six year old adventure with blankie in tow.  My daughter furthered the discussion with her anger and anxieties about my leaving her for treatments and her anger at the doctor for these trips.

I encouraged her to think about all the things I can still do with them and that the doctor is doing everything he can to keep me healthy. I reassured her she need not fret about being separated again if I should need to be admitted in the future. We have plan B to put into effect.

Then today she asked if I'd come snuggle under the blanket again with her baby. She had more cancer questions. When I arrived she and baby were under the comforter with soft pillows. She assured me her baby would help her. So flat on our tummies under the comforter, searching for cartoon characters in a Waldo maze, we talked about what exactly cancer does to my body and that I may die. We talked about those whacko cancer cells that don't obey the rules and how their wild growing can cause problems and what can happen because of those problems. It was safe for her to ask these questions while we looked for Bubbles, Blossom, Buttercup and Professor Utonium. A little disjointed for me, but it worked for her. We are planning on taking my daughter with for the next doctor trip so she meets my wonderful doc and so cool nurse. Of course, we'll follow up with some retail therapy on the way home.

Sigh of Relief

The great news is that even with a three week break due to Christmas scheduling, my CA125 is still 3. I can perhaps not fret so much knowing the carbo is doing its job, for now.

This unusual January weather is confusing all of us, Ken says even the grouse are confused. I just know February will whop us. I spent a wonderful day at school yesterday with my daughter observing her in her classes. School is much different than I remember and I can understand what is causing her some difficulty now. We have been blessed with terrific teachers for the two this year for which I am very grateful. It has made the adjustment less traumatic than it could have been.

Now that the Christmas holiday is over I begin checking out my perreniel garden for signs of green. It is my spring welcome each year and I so thank the good friends who helped me transfer it here last summer. God bless you all.